Ash Williams vs Wynonna Earp
by ColdCupoJoe
Summary: Hello once again, quick turnaround on this battle but this time we pit two of the best demon hunters on the silver screen against each other, Ash Williams of Evil Dead versus Wynonna Earp of the show of the same name! This takes Ash from his incarnation in Ash vs Evil Dead and Wynonna from approximately during season 3. Hopefully I got all characterizations right and y'all enjoy!


Ash Williams vs Wynonna Earp

"Triple whiskey, and two of whatever the lady's having," a strong-chinned man grinned at the bartender, a smaller man in suspenders and a pair of glasses. The drinker, Ash Williams, was a tall man in his 50s, his hair meticulously quaffed, hints of gray crowning around the top of his ears. He wore a steamed collared blue shirt tucked into a brown pants a pair too small. The man's eyes trained on a younger woman in a leather jacket across the bar, a cheeky grin burning familiar creases into his cheeks.

The bartender eyed the girl as well, eyeballing the glass that she was tipping back. He turned to grab the liquor and in one quick motion turned back around, slamming the tall whiskey glass on the counter, followed by six glasses in quick succession. The man took a glance at the beers, momentarily counting with one finger.

"I said just two, compadre," Ash said. "Six is way more than two last time I checked."

"Last order she placed was three," the bartender said, nodding back over to the girl, slamming her empty glass onto the counter. It wasn't until then Ash noticed she had another two empty glasses with foam still sitting at the bottom.

"My kind of lady," an impressed smile pursing Ash's lips as he grabbed his whiskey and inched closer. He reached up with his right arm, audibly knocking a wooden hand against the counter.

"Charlie, mama needs a refill!" the woman said, tapping her finger on her newly emptied glass.

"We're fifteen minutes to close, Wynonna," the bartender sighed tiredly, swiping the woman's empty glasses from the counter. "And in case you hadn't noticed, just about everyone else has gone home, I suggest you start heading that way as well."

"Fifteen minutes? That's enough for at least another four rounds!" Wynonna shouted, paying the other man at the counter no mind. Ash looked expectantly at the lady receiving another two glasses of beer, knocking his wooden right hand onto the counter again.

"You know how they say never put your hand in front of a moving train?" Ash said, reaching for the first of his beers. Wynonna glanced at him through the bottom of her beer, capping off her beverage with a deep belch.

"That's nice old dude," the dark-haired lady said, quickly chugging another beer, capped off with another guttural burp. "But you're really not the prick I'm waiting on. A prick nonetheless though…"

Ash was taken back a bit, that line usually works, but was still undeterred.

"I usually tell all the ladies some bull story about saving a kid in mortal danger," Ash continued, rolling his eyes and grabbing a beer to race Wynonna through hers, "but you don't seem like the kind of lady that'd fall for that."

"Mhmm," Wynonna nodded sarcastically, finishing off the last of her beers and rising from her stool and beginning to walk to the door.

"Truth is, I'm a hero back in Michigan, had to chop off ol' Righty with a chainsaw and had to fight through an army or three of deadites… uh demons… and this hand got a lot of dexterity practice over the years," Ash tapped his hand on the counter, giving a smile until Wynonna passed right by him toward the door. "Hey, where're you going?"

"Sorry dickhead, not interested in your dusty member," Wynonna scoffed, walking away. "But you know what, you survived some shit, and I cannot wait for your TED talk, but get back to me when you've been cursed."

Wynonna walked out, her middle finger raised high as she reached into her jacket pocket to retrieve a flask, tipping it back as she slammed through the doors outside.

As she exited the building, she didn't see the mysterious figure standing just to the side of the door, a tall man in a maroon suit, bright red glints of energy flowing from his fingers as he tapped Wynonna's temple. She turned quickly, but the man was gone, her head now ringing with pain.

"Oh the hangover isn't supposed to hit until tomorrow," Wynonna held her head, stumbling her way into the parking lot, sobering up surprisingly fast…

And an overwhelming anger boiling inside of her. As she remembered the asshole of a man inside, she thought she could remember his eyes turning red and his voice dipping into the deep demonic voice of a revenant.

"Oh I do not have time for this tonight," Wynonna rolled her eyes, taking another pull out of her flask before reaching for the gun holstered at her hip.

"Wait, dollface," Ash barged out of the bar as well, not seeing the man tap his temple either, and disappearing equally as quickly as before. "Now I've got a real shitty feeling from some of that booze, but that could end up leading to a good weird or a bad weird, we should really figure which one we're headed to tonight."

Wynonna walked out from behind a pickup truck, a long barreled pistol drawn and outheld. It was just a glimpse, but Ash was almost certain he saw the telltale white eyes of a deadite in the dark.

"Oh great…" Ash said to himself, patting himself down for any kind of weapon, only to find the keys to his car. He looked off to the side of the parking lot, his cream colored sportscar like a glowing beacon. "Before you try and swallow my soul or anything, can I at least get my equipment to make this fair?"

"The only thing that'll be swallowed here is a dick!" Wynonna shouted, firing her pistol. The bullet soared wide, crashing into the mirror of a car nearby. She hesitated a second, thinking over her words. "And you'll be doing the swallowing, if that wasn't clear!"

"Yeah I think you got the point across!" Ash shouted back, his eyes locked onto his Delta from the safety behind a small blue sedan. He jingled the keys in his good hand, weighing his options to make a break for the car.

Wynonna kept her Peacemaker trained on the car, not trusting this man or revenant for a second. She inched closer, her gun outstretched and headache clearing up.

"Come on out, I want to go home at some point tonight asshole!" Wynonna shouted, craning her neck to try to find the hiding revenant. At that point, Ash bolted for the car, his good hand holding onto the back of his pants to keep them up. Wynonna swore as she fired another two shots, one striking Ash in the shoulder blade, though not stopping him as he reached the car, flinging the door open.

Ash unscrewed his wooden hand, reaching into the back seat of the car to grab a chainsaw, affixing it to his stump wrist. He retrieved a sawed-off double barreled shotgun as well, swinging around with a grin.

"Groovy," Ash smiled, admiring the tools of his trade.

"That is definitely not groovy," Wynonna sighed, firing another shot across the parking lot. The bullet went wide, smashing through the passenger window of Ash's car with a shattering crash.

"Not the Delta!" Ash shouted, turning his shotgun at Wynonna. He fired two shots, the widespread pellets peppering the few other cars still in the parking lot. Wynonna ducked behind a pickup truck, a few pellets burying themselves into her leg sending her to her knee.

Ash advanced toward Wynonna, revving his chainsaw as he snapped his shotgun over his arm to put two more shells into the barrel.

"It's been real, and it's been good, but it ain't been real good," Ash said, coming around the corner of the pickup.

Wynonna raised her Peacemaker, firing at center mass. Ash pulled his shotgun across his chest to intercept the bullet, the trigger mechanism of the shotgun splintering with the force of the bullet.

"First my car, then my boomstick? You're kind of an asshole, lady!" Ash said, tossing his gun aside as he revved his chainsaw.

"I'm just a little partial to living," Wynonna said, throwing her foot upward into Ash's groin. He doubled over in pain as Wynonna raised up, punching him in the jaw.

Ash took a deep breath, collecting himself and pulling his chainsaw up. He lunged at the dark haired woman, the teeth digging through her left sleeve and biting into her bicep. She recoiled, unsure how exactly to go about dismantling this fighting style.

"I'm gonna shove this here chainsaw so far up your ass you'll be spitting out wood shavings for a week," Ash said, throwing a punch with his good hand.

Wynonna dodged the punch, grabbing his arm and using Ash's momentum to throw him against the pickup. She bent his arm backwards, causing Ash to howl in pain.

"My bum shoulder!" Ash shouted, kicking back with his foot to stomp onto Wynonna's foot, causing her to release her grip. Ash turned, swinging wildly with his chainsaw. He swung right, then left, Wynonna ducking and weaving as she dodged the deadly blade. Ash gritted his teeth as he kept swinging, Wynonna keeping her distance looking for her opportunity to strike back.

Ash overextended on a slash, causing Wynonna to swing Peacemaker to pistol whip Ash across the cheek. Ash fell to the concrete, looking up to see Wynonna reloading her long-barreled pistol. She pointed the gun at her downed opponent, pulling the hammer back.

"Make your peace, dickwad," Wynonna said, her trigger finger itching.

"Blah blah blah," Ash motioned a talking mouth with his good hand, rolling his eyes. "You know, I thought this would make me feel like more of a dick, but I can't say I do."

At that, Ash swiped his chainsaw upward, smacking the revolver away from Wynonna as it slid under a nearby sportscar. She reached out to try to catch it, but was caught off guard as Ash kicked out her legs, crashing hard to the pavement. Ash rose, putting his chainsaw to Wynonna's neck.

"Any last words miss whoever you are?" Ash said, a smarmy grin on his bruised face. Wynonna spat, determined rage in her eyes.

"Whoever I am?" Wynonna asked hesitantly, eyes fixed on the chainsaw blade close to her neck. "You mean, you aren't trying to kill me for being the Earp heir?"

"God no, I'm doing this because you tried going psycho bitch on me…" Ash said, thinking a second and taking his chainsaw back an inch. "Deadites don't use guns… so you're not one of them?"

"I'm human, whatever the hell deadite means," Wynonna responded, getting up to her feet. "I'm kind of sheriff against revenants and demons around these parts."

Ash detached the chainsaw from his arm, screwing back on his wooden hand in one fell swoop, before extending his good hand for a handshake.

"Ash Williams. You know you kind of remind me of myself when I was younger, demons ruined your life and you're hot as hell," Ash grinned. "How about I make it up to you and we take a three-minute trip to pleasure time in the back of the Delta?"

Wynonna rolled her eyes as she slapped his hand away.

"I've done a lot of regrettable things," Wynonna said, disgusted, "but I'm not about to add that one to my list tonight."

As they made their peace, they both spotted the lanky man in the maroon suit, ducking into the bar before a shrill scream rang through the night.

"You said you're good at hunting demons?" Wynonna asked, retrieving Peacemaker from beneath the car.

"You can try to keep up, sweet cheeks," Ash laughed, giving his chainsaw a rev. Wynonna nodded as the two walked back up to the bar, kicking in the swinging doors ready for another fight.

Winner: Ash Williams

I may take a short hiatus, but stay tuned for another IronTiger26 suggestion, a TMNT/Walking Dead crossover battle in the future!


End file.
